I am a researcher. I will dig and explore and study as much as I can about something I don’t understand in order to learn what I can. When I knew the choices for chemo, I spent hours on the internet researching what they were, how they worked, and what the side effects are, fully expecting the oncologist to ask me which I wanted to choose.
Needless to say, I was overwhelmed. Some studies seemed to show better results with Taxol/Herceptin, and others with TCH. The side effects were clearly less egregious with T/H, but how could I make a choice based on that, when the goal was to kill the cancer? I couldn’t be a wuss about it; this is life or death! And I’d still look pretty cute bald, right?
I had no idea which was better, suffice it to say, so I just prayed that God would help me make the decision. No, better yet, God, can you help Dr. Hui to make the decision? Just let her tell me which one I have to do and I’ll do it. That would be so much easier, and would prevent me from second-guessing myself for years to come!
But that wasn’t going to happen – she told me she’d call me in a few days to discuss the options and find out which I wanted to do. Sigh.
Then…I got an email from her with the results from 2 clinical studies showing Taxol/Herceptin with a 99% success rate for stage 1 breast cancer. She has talked to her peer in the oncology department and in a regional breast cancer focus group she belongs to, and they agree – Taxol/Herceptin is the best choice for me. She’ll have the scheduler call to set it up.
Such a huge relief – thank you God!
I will start my 12-week treatment (once/week) on April 22 (I tried coming up with a funny tie-in to earth day, but just couldn’t, sorry), and I attend my chemo class tomorrow. Where the pace of this journey had seemed to drop to a stand-still while I deliberated my poison of choice, now it’s rolling again at lightning speed. But that’s good.
This is a season. A dadburn, consarn it, racka-frackin’ dirty, son-of-a-battle strommy season, but a season, nonetheless.